Sunday, April 18, 2010


An incident from last night's Wicked Charleston Walking Tour.

Around 8:30 pm I was strolling in front 92 Broad Street with my group of seven customers. Behind us we began to hear someone going "Ooooo ... Oooo!" For the uninitiated, that is the highly original sound many Charleston locals make when they see a ghost tour walking the streets.

(There ARE several reasons South Carolina always ranks 47th or below in high school graduation rates. This "Oooooing" is merely a symptom of marrying each other's cousins for most of the 19th century.)

Charleston locals always assume every night time tour is a ghost tour. However, my Wicked Tour is NOT a ghost tour - it's an ADULTS ONLY history tour. The young woman (mid-20s) was trailing along behind us, with her two friends bringing up the rear.

I stopped with my people. By this time we were standing next to a great little restaurant we call Fast and French. I told her, "This is not a ghost tour. This is an adult history tour."

Her response: "Oooooo!" Arms above her head, hands waving.

I said, patiently I might add: "Again, this is not a ghost tour. It's the Wicked Charleston Tour - the history of sex, murder, prostitution and sin."

She said, "Can I tell you my ghost story?" Her friends entered Fast and French.

I looked at my people, who by this time, were laughing at her. To give the young woman as much credit as possible, I realized she had probably been consuming adult beverages, which didn't improve her IQ.

"What part of 'this is not a ghost tour' did you not understand?" I asked her.

"It's not a ghost tour?" she asked, staring at me. Finally, the fog was lifting.

"No. It's a sex and prostitution tour. If you'd like to tell us your prostitution story we'd be happy to listen." I folded my arms and looked at her expectantly.

She stared at me for a few seconds.

"We're waiting," I said. "Come on, every Charleston girl has a good prostitution story. I'll just settle for a good sex story. Do you have any of those?"

She turned and began walking away.

"Have you ever had good sex?" I asked.

She quickly entered Fast and French. And I said ... "Obviously she's only ever had it fast and French. What a shame."

I love my job.

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