Random thoughts on a stormy night about some things & people that are overrated.
1. RAINBOW ROW. A group of old buildings that used to be 18th century shops and whorehouses. Cool history, but it shouldn't be the most requested thing tourists want to see. And does it need to be on every piece of merchandise from t-shirts to thongs? If you want good marketing, how about some Rainbow Row condoms?
2. HAPPINESS. We all know someone who is deliriously happy all the time. And we all hate them because it's annoying as hell and we know it's just an act to mask their misery. If we're going to be honest - contentment is the best we can hope for.
3. ROCK AND ROLL DRUM SOLOS. I mean, come on ... most of them are b-o-r-i-n-g. I've always thought people applauded at the end of drums solos for 2 reasons: 1. To acknowledge the sheer physical energy expended, and 2. to celebrate that it's finally over! Most drum solos are an excuse for the rest of the band to go backstage and smoke, snort, drink or, according to Robert Plant, receive oral sex. Some of the worst drum solo abominations include:
- John Bonham (Led Zeppelin) - Moby Dick.
- Ginger Baker (Cream) - Toad.
- Ian Paice (Deep Purple) - The Mule.
- Ron Bushy (Iron Butterfly) - In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.
- Don Brewer (Grand Funk) - T.N.U C. Particularly bad.
- Ron Wilson (The Surfaris) -Wipe Out, the most famous drum solo of all time.
- Buddy Rich (Buddy Rich Band) -Slick Trick. A jazz master takes everyone to graduate school.
- Joe Morella - (Dave Brubek Quartet) -Take Five. Not sure this is actually a solo, since Brubek keeps playing his odd chunky piano chords while Morella does his thing, but still one of the coolest of all.
- Neil Peart (Rush) - YYZ. One of the few rock and roll drummers who has gotten better thru the years. Taking drum lessons from jazz masters has that effect.
5. M. NIGHT SHAMALAN. The Sixth Sense is good the first time and tedious the second. The Village is bad the first time and ridiculous the second. Signs is probably as good as M. will ever get. (Deducted several points for having the same name as a James Bond character.)
6. QUENTIN TARRANTINO. Go ahead and bitch, all you people who think Pulp Fiction is a great movie. Not even close, Pulp sucks. Give Tarrantino credit though, he's convinced a lot of people that he's a great filmmaker. Not me.
7. COLLEGE DEGREE. Note I didn't say 'education," I said "degree." Not having a college degree didn't stop Maya Angelou, Richard Branson, Coco Chanel, Walter Cronkite, Michael Dell, Walt Disney, Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, Bill Gates, Ernest Hemingway, Wolfgang Puck, John D. Rockefeller Sr., Ted Turner, and Frank Lloyd Wright, to name a few. I am a huge believer in Mark Twain's (no degree) quote: "I have never let schooling interfere with my education." Amen.
8. U2. It's difficult to take a band seriously who is this self righteous. Bono, you're supposed to make music, not lead a movement to save the world. Maybe I missed Mother Teresa at Madison Square Garden. Bono is on the list of the most annoying things in the world, ranked just above barbershop quartets.
9. RESTAURANTS. Come on people, it's food. One of the oddest reflections of our current culture is the number of chefs who act like Bono. Charleston is particularly guilty of this. I love good food as much as anyone ... but the worship of Rachel Ray, Paula Deen and Emeril are hard to fathom.
10. THE DOORS. No explanation necessary. We've all heard the terrible songs, and know what a worthless human being Jim Morrison was. He's #1 on the list: People That Should Have Died Earlier.
